If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
