I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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