I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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