I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
