You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
