check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
