Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
