i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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