K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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