i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
