1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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