my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
