hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize