is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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