yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
