Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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