i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
