i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
