what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
