i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
