i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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