i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
