i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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