so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
