do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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