Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
