i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
