Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
