she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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