Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
