I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
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