I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
