and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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