where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
