Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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