Whod you bang
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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