I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
