I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
