Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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