i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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