he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
