I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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