Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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