We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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