my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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