she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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