Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
