Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
