2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
