i just wanna soil my oats bro
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
