I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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