He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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