you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
