I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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