I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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