You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
