I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
