I'm drive I can fine osifer
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
