NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
