these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
