we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
