just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
