did you get engaged???
I will die if light touches me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
