Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
