note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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