and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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