Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
