When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
