she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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