You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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